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In the unlikely event you didn’t know, April 10th is Golfer’s Day. Some say that’s because the PGA was founded on April 10th in 1916. Sounds good to me, but shouldn’t every day be Golfer’s Day? Yes.
No doubt you’ll be out on the links to commemorate this blessed event and when you are (or when you’re getting ready) here are 5 things that you definitely won’t want to hear. Actually, this holds true for any day because isn’t every time you get to swing a club a blessed event? Yes.
1. It’s Going To Rain
If scientists can put a man on the moon, why the hell can’t they invent a weather-controlling machine? Get your priorities straight, nerds. And why aren’t there entire courses that are protected by lightning-proof domes? So what if they would cost a fortune to construct? Build them and we will come.
2. No! You Can’t Knock Off Early To Play Golf!
Are you nuts? Never ask your boss the question that could elicit the above response. Just lie and say you’re going to the dentist. Or, don’t come back from lunch and make up some excuse tomorrow. But if you must ask, invite him or her to come along and your chances of playing that day will increase dramatically.
3. Sorry, All Tee Times Have Been Booked
Come on, in this wired-up and cellphone age, this is your bad. There’s no excuse for ever hearing this. If you don’t use GolfNow, use one of the other sites that let you book tee times, like TeeOff.com or Fore! If you don’t know about these places, I’m embarrassed for you. And you call yourself a golfer...
4. Wow, That Bird Grabbed Your Ball and Blew Your Eagle
Okay, this one is rare, but if does happen you are going to have one of the best clubhouse bar stories EVER. You will be a legend, even though you’d probably prefer you got the eagle. Stupid bird.
5. Bo Derek, Joe Pesci, and Alice
If you don’t know what these names mean when it comes to golf, you are either very good or very lucky. To find out, check out those and some more Golf Slang that will either impress and / or insult your partners the next time you head out to the course. Oh, and no, that clip didn’t have anything to do with golf, but so what?
Happy Golfer’s Day, everyone! May none of your putts make you cry. Unless of course it’s with tears of joy.