Shall I compare Black Friday to a summer’s day? No, because I don’t like it. Sure, you can find some great deals and save some money on this day of dread, but all in all, I find it very unpleasant. Here’s why:
1. It’s Not Dog Friendly
I like taking my dog Ted with me a lot whenever I leave our RV, and almost no stores will let him in with me unless I put on dark glasses and pretend I’m blind.
2. It’s Not Cat Friendly
I like taking my cat Ted with me a lot (yes, he has the same name as my dog), and almost no stores will let him in with me, even when I put on dark glasses and pretend I’m blind.
3. It Keeps Me From Making Turkey Stew
I love making this every year but shopping on Black Friday makes me wait until Saturday before I have time to do it. It’s really good. Here’s how it’s done:
Texas Pete’s Turkey Stew Recipe
- 1 cup leftover stuffing
- 1 cup leftover gravy
- 1 cup white wine
- 1 can of corn
- 1 package of baby carrots
- 6 cups chopped up leftover turkey
- 2 whole turkey wings
- 1 large chopped up yellow onion
- 6 chopped up red potatoes
- 1 package sliced mushrooms
- 1 can cream of mushroom soup
- 1 can chicken and rice soup
- 1/4 tsps. salt, pepper, tarragon, sage, red pepper
Put it all in a crock pot and cook it on low for 6 hours. It should be thick enough that when you stick the stirring spoon in, it takes a few seconds for it to tip over. If it doesn’t, that means it’s soup, and soup is useless, so throw some more stuff in there.
4. The Cowboys Lost On Thursday
There’s nothing more horrible than being a Dallas Cowboys fan and seeing them get the stuffing stomped out of them on Thanksgiving. And yes, I realize that this brings joy to many people and that they believe simply being a Cowboys fan is horrible in and of itself. I once went Black Friday shopping with my Cowboy jersey on and had a half-eaten corndog thrown at me. NOTE: mustard stains are hard to get out.
5. My Wife Spends A Ton Of Money
While I have 7 reasons why I hate Black Friday, my wife has even more reasons why she loves it, and saying she spends a “ton” is only a slight exaggeration. If you converted all of the dollars to pennies and then weighed them, I’m guessing the total would be very close to 2,000 lbs.
Let’s do the math: There are 181 pennies per pound, so 2000 x 181 = 362,000 or $3620. Wow, I didn’t think it would be THAT much. But if my wife really does spend that amount, I may start hating her as well as Black Friday.
6. I’m Usually Hung-Over
This is often a result of trying to drink away the reality of numbers 4 and 5. ANOTHER NOTE: I do not recommend this as it seldom works.
7. It’s Not That Good Of A Song
Okay, I’m done. Thank you for listening to me vent. Have a Happy Thanksgiving, and try to have a happy Black Friday, too – I dare you.