This Is Why I Shop Online: Episode #1: “The Parking Lot Menace”

Oh, where to begin? A couple of nights ago, my wife told me she wanted a Belgian Waffle Maker. I’m not that crazy about Belgians, but I do like their waffles, so I replied that I’d get one when I went to CVS to pick up a prescription that was ready (if you don’t have a CVS where you live, they’re like Walgreen’s or Rite Aid). Sounded simple enough, just a routine errand. What could happen?

Anyway, off I went on my quest. I pull into the parking lot and immediately get cut off by a burly construction worker in his truck. He’s blocking my way, so I honk at him. We lock eyes and I give him my best Clint Eastwood you-don’t-want-to-mess-with-me expression. Or maybe it was Vin Diesel.

He just sneers back at me, like “What are you going to do about it?” Then his eyes move away from my glare and scan my car. He suddenly busts out laughing. What’s so funny?

I then turn to see what he’s looking at – a Winnie the Pooh sunscreen suction-cupped to my back passenger window to protect my daughter from harmful UV radiation. I hang my head in defeat, back up a little ways and let him pass, realizing that it’s hard to come off like a tough guy with Winnie the Pooh on your car. I park and he drives off, still laughing at me.

I hop out of my car, take a few steps toward CVS, and suddenly hear a BAM! I turn and see someone has backed into me, smashing my taillight. Great. I exchange info with the guy (whose car doesn’t even have a scratch) and guess what? He doesn’t have insurance. Hooray! He assures me he’ll pay for it himself and we part ways. But surprise, surprise, when I later call him, it turns out he gave me a phony phone number. Arrgh!

I finally make it into CVS and head to where I think the waffle-makers should be. I don’t see any. I ask a clerk for help and she says they don’t have any, which explains why I can’t find one. Maybe they do carry them but they were sold out because a mob of hungry Belgians descended on the place like, well, Belgians. I don’t know, and by this point, I don’t really care.

I grab my prescription and my wounded car and I head back home, empty-handed, knowing that I would’ve been better off shopping online. I arrive home and do just that, ordering one from Target using a coupon code, which saved me 5%. It was simple, I was relaxed, and there were no unpleasant surprises. Here’s what I got:

Hamilton Beach Belgian-Style Waffle Maker

All in all, this is how my little adventure worked out:

Cost of Going Out to Shop:

  • Gas: $3.00
  • Broken Taillight: $200.00
  • Potential broken nose courtesy of Burly Construction Worker
  • Bruised Ego
  • 1 hour of my life wasted

Cost of Shopping Online:

  • $37.99
  • 10 minutes of my life well-spent

That waffle maker is now known as “The Waffle Maker of Doom” around our house, even though it really does make great waffles.

Oh, when will I learn? Get it through your head, self – Shop Online Every Time!

By: Peter

Similar posts