This Is Why I Shop Online: Episode #12: “Guitar Addiction”

Oh, where to begin? Is there such a thing as “Guitar Players Anonymous,” like where you stand up and say “Hi, my name is Joe and I’m a guitar-a-holic?” No? Well, there should be.

My daughter was going to a birthday party and wanted me get a gift card from Guitar Center as present for her friend. I said sure, I’d stop by there sometime that day and grab one – and that’s when my wife barked out an emphatic, “No!”

My lovely bride then went on to say that I should just order one online because every time I went to Guitar Center, I spent a fortune on stuff I didn’t need or planned to buy in the first place. “Balderdash!,” said I. Okay, I didn’t really say “balderdash,” but I did say a word that also features a “B” and an “S.” This got me a good tongue-lashing on cursing in front of my daughter.

Wanting to prove my wife wrong (which no husband with half a brain should ever do) I grabbed my keys and headed out, saying that I’d be back with only the Guitar Center gift card. “Just you wait and see!” Oh well, best intentions...

I walked into the store and headed straight for a cash register to make my simple transaction when I saw this:

I stopped dead in my tracks – a Vintage Gibson Les Paul Standard Tobacco Sunburst. I watched helplessly as my hands reached out and picked it up. In an instant, Andy the Helpful Sales Associate was all over me. “Here, plug it in and play.” And I did. And it was heaven.

$2,199.98 and 15 minutes later (and with a $20 gift card) I’m driving home desperately trying to decide how to break the wonderful news of my purchase to my wife, knowing I was going to hear much more than “I told you so.”

Well, believe it or not, a pretty big argument ensued that ended with me returning my beloved new guitar in exchange for my beloved wife not divorcing me. Marriage is, after all, compromise. Oh, and it cost me a $30 restocking fee, too.

The lesson of this tale: Don’t be a guitar player? Don’t like Les Pauls? Listen to your wife? How about “Shop online and you won’t buy stuff you weren’t planning on!” Idiot! Oh, when will I learn? Get it through your head, self – Shop Online Every Time!

Please read more in this series by checking out my whole “This Is Why I Shop Online” litany of horror stories.

By: Peter

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